1. While the patient is lying on her back on the bed
2. While helping the patient get into bed
- Never push down on the knee while trying to straighten the leg out those final few degrees (as the doctor ordered). . . without wearing a football helmet and hockey mask.
- When putting that pillow under her ankle, to straighten out her knee, never use one with a thickness of over one sixteenth of an inch, unless you have a clear escape path to the door.
- Pertaining to above. Never leave her crutches within arms reach.
- While doing the quad-lift exercises, never, never say "let's do it one more time," while her hand is anywhere near your crotch.
- In describing the knee, always pertain to it as 'swollen' and not, "I think your right knee is fatter than your left." (using the word 'swollen' is still borderline). Maybe, "your left knee looks thinner than your right." would be safer.
- Following her, on her walker, to the bedroom, never say things like, "Could you go a little faster? The commercial is almost over."
3. While she is at rest in living room
- While helping the operated knee up on the bed, make sure her other leg isn't, is not... between your legs
Also, when preparing for her to come home, supplies you will need.
- Never say, "Are you drinking enough water?" If her glass is within arm's reach.
- While changing her dressing. . . Never say, "Wow, that's a big scar."
- If she wants to change the station. Men...these are not normal times. Let her. Or, believe me...you will need a doctor to find the remote.
- When helping her put on her calf stockings...Don't!!
- While she's on a blood thinner, never say, "I'm going to have a nice big glass of wine."
What has been the biggest surprise in all of this... In our 42 years of marriage, I had no idea Pam knew such language. I've always thought it was reserved for the U.S Navy.
- Ice packs for your forehead, and assorted bruises
- Dark glasses to hide your black eye....or eyes
- At least one arm sling...just in case
- Crutches...for you. Men will understand why it'll be difficult to walk
- Two bottles of wine
- One bottle of scotch, for severe circumstances
- Hide wine and scotch in the cellar
Wait, I was in the Navy. I've learned a few more choice ones this past week.